Everything collapses in front of my eyes before anything has begun. Some friends pity me and said that I’m not fun even though I’ve made most of our old jokes. I feel sorry that they notice how heavy my breath is, how steep my steps are. I am tired of being articulate about how I feel and end up feeling embarrassed about it.
They don’t know that I grow up afraid of so many things, I always feel like I am the bravest. Perhaps I should have shouted the blame just to make things better. Instead, I highlighted them so I could be familiar with them if I found them later. Maybe they are all lessons that came with a ghost in the middle of the day. Maybe they are all nothing, and I’m just forever haunted.
At this point, I just can’t stop the loops, and they know it.